The Traumatic “To a TEE”

In an act of calling myself wise and modest at the same time, I have no qualm in confessing that I adhere to double-standards of living. Probably I have come out of age and it gets really torturous to act like a “Sati Savitri” in a society consisting of numerous women who believe in following every tradition to perfection and some newly wedded “Poo bani Parwatis” too…

In an attempt to fool their men about their un-divided attention and devotion, these pampered new “bahus” who think of themselves as Cinderellas straight of the new-age fairy-tale, surpass every challenge thrown in on them by their mother-in-laws, with great enthusiasm and energy… But in due course of time, the huge ball of raging fire dies down to merely a re-chargeable battery that has to be plugged-in for ‘n’ number of hours every-time to score in a mediocre performance…

To my common-sense and I believe every sane person’s too, putting up mehendi on hands, donning a red saree, a mangalsutra round the neck and sindoor in a narrow channel right in the middle of a woman’s head, fasting for day long with fruits and milk and offering water and sweets to the moon on a Karwachauth night, cannot  add years to any woman’s husband’s age miraculously or for that matter if not done to a Tee, subtract years…

As a matter of fact, Karwachauth is mostly celebrated in the western and northern parts of India on the fourth (chauth) day of a Full moon in the month of Kartik by the Hindu calendar. This festival started off to celebrate autumn (wheat sowing season) and as a prayer for a good harvest in the predominantly wheat-growing parts of India. It was also to enjoy friendship and companionship of fellow married women who belonged to the same village and exchange gifts and pleasantries as those were the times when girls got married at their early teenage years in a distant village far off from their parents’ and when phones or other modes of communication between the newly married young girls and their parents were a distant dream. The religious angle of Karwachauth is a fairly recent addition with little or no bearing to the past. (Source: Wikipedia)

Similarly, there is a ritual in our weddings (of Marwaris from Rajasthan) of sparing some lose coins to the bride by their parents which started when the little girls hardly 12-13 years were married off in a distant village to an unknown family. These brides had little or no knowledge of the world outside their homes but were fond of buying and eating toffees and churans (digestive powders made of mixed spices) and hence were handed over some personal money in the form of coins (which were of high value at those times) to take care of their personal needs in case the in-laws paid no heed to their little girly demands. The coins (which have lost its face value in today’s times due to manifold increase in the value of money) still occupies a little space in the high value handbags of brides which proves my point.

Its amusing and at the same time disappointing and upsetting to know how we Indians are obsessed with all the relevant rituals and traditions of the past times which have completely lost its purpose in the 21st century modern India…Following one’s cultural traditions to enjoy a festival or a marriage ceremony with friends and family is much appreciated but if the same process becomes a task to be planned, arranged and followed to a Tee, its not short of being called ‘Religious fanaticism’…A toned down version of religious extremism…

With due respect to every custom, ritual and cultural tradition, I enjoy them as long as they do not become a screaming-out-loud task at hand that has no logic and gives no breathing space. We truly have to evolve and come out of age. The idea behind every ceremony should be to celebrate and share a smile with loved ones with right intentions and positive vibes. There is no reason why we should get bogged down by the weights of older times and create an environment of religious pressure wherein every ritual has to be performed at the right time in the exact procedure to a Tee and beyond… my system just rejects and refuses the idea…

City cafes- the place to be!

A plush neighborhood cafe, for city people like us, is the place to be…

a place where friends who do not brag or boast catch up with some more friends who do not brag or boast, in a quaint, quiet corner that is laden with tanned wooden couches stuffed with bottle-green leather cushions that are arranged neatly around a rectangular coffee table with an ashtray placed on top, (aren’t we done with plastics (read: plastic faces) yet?) against two finely etched french windows that fill that side of the wall painted in dull beige with complete ownership, to share chunks of their hearts along with cakes, cookies and some hot cuppas…

where the air is filled with sensuous aroma of freshly brewed coffee beans and tea leaves and the crackling sound of some English crockery…

where every conversation gets knitted with dramas and care-free laughter while still preserving that sense of respect for each other, and WTF…where apps (Whatsapp/Twitter/Facebook) and kids are strictly prohibited…(Holy cross! Now that’s really some adult content in the room there ;))

where the delicate tic-tac-toes of high heels do not go un-heard amidst the loud thuds of woodland boots and where the now fuller and deeper but still softer voices ushering through lipstics and glosses of the fairer sex (not sure if fairer otherwise ;)) who’ve kind of seen most of the world by now are not misconstrued as flirtatious by the beard-bearers with deep male baritones…

where high brows, kohl-ed smoky eyes, long necks and cleavages not only add to the vulnerability of the room but also stand equal chances of getting applauded for the work done…

where friends join in to raise innumerable toasts to celebrate innumerable moments of life underneath that one roof in a quaint, quiet corner away from the rest of the world. ..surely a city cafe is a place to be…a perch for the city dwelling birds in the heart of the city but reassuringly away from it! 🙂 🙂 🙂

That’s a tete-a-tete with a great friend at Starbucks over two mugs of Hot chocolate…

Mumbai- The new-age Kurukshetra

Mumbai, the capital city of Maharashtra, is the most popular and the most populous city of India. It is also the wealthiest city of India that houses the highest number of millionaires and billionaires…Located on the west coast of India, it is basically a culmination of seven islands constituting of fishing colonies till the mid-eighteenth century. Thereafter, some major road and railway projects took underway which made Mumbai a major sea port of the Arabian sea in mid-nineteenth century. It marked a new beginning in the 19th and 20th century after some major commercial and educational advancements took place during and after the British rule. As of today, it not only is the financial and commercial capital of the country and one of the top ten centers of global financial flow that is base to some of the major national and multinational corporations as well as some most important institutions like Reserve Bank of India, National Stock Exchange and Bombay Stock Exchange,  but also the entertainment capital of India that is base to the Hindi film industry called ‘Bollywood’ that comes second to the American film industry called ‘Hollywood’…

To my eyes, who is just a decade old in the city, Mumbai is the new age ‘KURUKSHETRA’… i.e. the land of Karmas (delivering your duties and doing your actions without much ado)… Kurukshetra is a city located in the state of Haryana having religious and historical importance. It is here where the famous Kurukshetra battle between Pandavas and Kauravas of the famous Hindu epic Mahabharata took place and where Lord Krishna preached the holy book of Bhagwad Gita to a baffled and confused Arjuna… Krishna counsels Arjuna and asks him to fulfill his warrior duty and establish Dharma i.e. the right way of living. Hence, it is exactly be-fitting to call Mumbai as the new-age Kurukshetra where Karma is performed to establish Dharma…With the majority of the population being covered by people from other cultures of India settling here for better employment opportunities (According to a report by NDTV, the Marathi speaking population of Mumbai has fallen from 52% in 1960 to 22% in 2015), this city works really hard with you to make you realise your goals. It reverberates with your dreams and inspires you day-in and day-out…

It gives you hundreds and thousands of role models not only through known and established personalities but also from your daily lives. It is an absolute inspiring experience to see your neighbours and friends who have migrated from the rest of the country, start building their businesses from scratch or landing their dream jobs after a formal education…They initially stay in small, crushed, rented 1 BHK apartments or as paying guests sharing their rooms with someone else with a similar story and eventually climb up the growth ladder after years of commitment to this extremely ‘tough’ and ‘lonely’ Mumbai life…

I say tough because it is painful…Mumbai as a city is elongated in shape and most of us migrants cannot afford a cosy home in the heart of the city i.e. South Mumbai (SoBo in short :))…It is elongated in shape because it went on increasing its area northwards to include the ever-rising population of migrants…Hence, daily travelling to and from offices is a big deal here! Majority of the population use the Mumbai locals (the local trains that connects the city across its length and breadth) which are considered as its lifeline, to travel…And wait, the locals are not easy too…they can jolt you up to numbness if you are new to the city…The Mumbai Suburban Railway is known as the busiest rapid transit system in the world and is severly over-crowded at all times at all the stations. Spread over 465 kilometres, the suburban railway operates around 2300 train services and carries more than 7.5 million commuters daily.(Source: Wikipedia)  Phew! Travelling in a local is exhausting and nightmarish but with such long distances to cover everyday just to reach your office (Some strong-hearted Mumbaikars travel more than 120 kms daily to and from their offices), you have no other option…There are several other mode of transport for the weak-hearted ones ;), auto-rickshaws or cabs, BEST bus services and not to forget your own private vehicles… Haa…Ending this with a sigh of relief and re-assurance that the world is still a better place to live in 😉

Those are some pics of the dreaded over-crowded Mumbai locals 🙂

Mumbai is lonely too at times… Mostly in your initial years of struggle when you leave your loved ones at bay and come here to realise your personal dreams…Its freedom re-defined in your dictionary. You work hard and party harder and push and stretch yourself through out the day but at the end of the day when you’re done with the hustle and bustle of this maximum city, you realise you miss home…you miss home-cooked food and moreover you miss the warmth of your loved ones back home. Every vacation, every festival, you pre-book your tickets and rush back home (I mean your native place because you still havent accepted that little crunchy nutshell deprived of a full fledged kitchen and love as your own home) until that one day when you decide that you have really graduated and can get your family here forever… 🙂 Till then keep saying adieu to your apartments without any attachments every 11 months (or if you’re lucky and get it extended for another 11 months)…And then, a new locality, a new building, some new neighbours and a new home…Damn!

Mumbai has its pros and cons…but the pros are much much more than the cons and hence it is a very rewarding feeling to be a ‘Mumbaikar’ and accept ‘Aamchi Mumbai’ (meaning ‘my Mumbai’) with all your heart! One of the lowest points of living in Mumbai is its very high property rates that can go upto Rs. 1 lakh per sq. foot in one of the SoBo locations due to its crunch for space that again due to its ever rising demand. Another one I feel is its greens that has been engulfed by the cement and bricks. But there are exceptions too mostly in the suburban parts..Here’s a still from my window

My locality in one of Mumbai suburban areas… Aah! its a bliss!

Still, Mumbai is the city of dreams…It is where the real action happens…Where there is plethora of opportunities for men and women alike from all walks of life…It is here where women feel the safest (Delhi- the Capital of India records the highest number of rape cases including the very tragic Nirbhaya case- 2012 Delhi gang rape case) and work hard shoulder-to-shoulder with men to support their family incomes or achieve their personal goals.

The city talks to me and loves me un-conditionally. It asks me to work hard and persevere. It has taught me to be patient and keep the search on until I find that personal space of mine…And with all its sun-shine and super-powers that can turn lives of its people from rags to riches, Mumbai stands tall (in literal sense too ;)) and strong braving away all the political dramas and the differences of cultural diversity…So, welcome to Mumbai, the new-age Kurukshetra where battles of LIFE are won 🙂

The wedding diary…

Its been a month since my li’ll sister got married…Time just flies…Phew!!! That youngest, most pampered member of our family is now a married young lady with a more mature smile and conversations that could make me shy 😉

We marwaris from Kolkata- the city best known for its rich bengali culture and richer population of marwaris (natives of Rajasthan) that are well-settled there since ages, have a very flamboyant way of showing their simplicity… We don’t shout, we yell our lungs out to display our riches in public…but our wedding was kept sober and minimalistic yet with a 3-star rating for sure!

One day of Sangeet (Geet-sammelan as we call it) and the next day of the Pheras (wedding vows) and Reception party were the two important dates marked forever in the history of my lifetime with rose scented red ink…My first ever experience of working so exhaustively in a real-time huge project (apart from my own wedding where I was just like a dummy doll…probably just like our President who is the most powerful but more or less quite power-less 😉 ) was one-of-its-kind…With many planning-cum-argumentative sessions with family, arrangements and delegation responsibilities and hiccups and last-minute corrections, the events turned out really well and were appreciated by one and all 🙂

The bride with her friends at the Sangeet party 🙂

Thats the wedding pic 🙂

With a special mention to FOOD- (I know it is everyone’s favourite topic), the items on the menu were endless and multi-culinary…If food could talk, they were singing like Lata Mageshkar ;)… Piping hot served with Love :)…The best part about Kolkata food is that it is truly and sincerely “delicious” in every sense of the word…The Pav-bhaji is more delectable than Mumbai’s, the Dosa is more exotic than Chennai’s and the Chaat is more blissful than Delhi’s…Believe it or not!!!

An Indian wedding truly is a complete family get-together…few days of fun and frolic with too many “tea-s and toasts” and lots of dressing-up! (for the evenings and otherwise too at times ;))